there once was a girl

I added to my hate list today

2010-03-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

Self-entitlement or entitlement–noun1.the act of entitling.2.the state of being entitled.3.the right to guaranteed benefits under a government program, as Social Security or unemployment compensation.The definition sticking in my mind today or maybe all this week is #2 the state of being entitled. The symptoms of self-entitlement are intense douchebaggery and excessive assholeyitis. The only real

I'm positively positive about people that annoy me

2010-03-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

In general I’m an optimist (except when the PMS monster possesses me, but no woman can be faulted for raging then), so I have no understanding of negative people. I’d be even more of an optimist if we could send all the Negative Nancys and Doom and Gloom Garys to live in Antarctica, so the penguins can kick some sense into them, because I’m pretty sure the rest of us would start pooping

Spring Break Diary Day 3

2010-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,It the first day with all four kids on break. I slept in for a whole 45 minutes, but it's not really sleeping in if three cats are pacing up and down your body, because their food bowl is empty and they are going to die. It's also not sleeping in if the person you share the bed with is alternately tossing and turning and calling the cats so that they pace even more.I dragged myself out

Someone didn't read their parenting books

2010-03-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have a story. I’m not sure if it’s a comedy, a drama, or pure horror. The names will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. I shouldn’t protect the guilty, but I’m mostly a nice person. I know a little girl who is almost four years old. Let’s say she’s a… hmmmmm - neighbor. We’ll call her a neighbor. Since she is almost four years old, she’s becoming more independent every single

Who will light the fuse?

2010-03-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that all my life I've been keeping a list of things or people that I dislike. I swear I add to that list every single day. Someday I'll achieve my dream of becoming either a hermit hidden away from the stupid of the world, or I'll finally master world domination and have all the people and things that annoy me killed or maimed or made mute.There's a lot of really random things on

Oozing sap is for trees

2010-03-11T09:31:00.000-08:00

Spring is nearly here and in the moments between scattered snow flurries, people are finding themselves twitterpated, gushy in love, and pooping rainbows. Be in love, gush, poop rainbows - just don't do it around me.I'm not a public display of affection person. It's not that I'm against love. Love is wonderful. I'm against all those sickening, slobbery, gropey things.Your body parts don't belong

Hunting through an alien world

2010-03-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

On Saturday morning before I was even 4% awake I opened the fridge for milk for my coffee. 4% awake is not nearly enough to deal with the horrible smell that assaulted me...part sweaty farty man smell and part rancid festering foot boils with just a hint of fermenting fruit.It was time for a full-fridge clean, because a quick dash through the shelves to throw away any ancient leftovers wasn't

Why errands make me desperate for a personal shopper with all her shots

2010-03-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

If it wouldn't be way too much work, I'd grow my own vegetables, slaughter my own cows, and grind my own flour so that I would never again have to set foot in the grocery store. People in stores irritate me beyond belief.I needed three things from Costco, so I though that would almost be painless. I'm not that lucky. I walked in behind a herd of ancient women that can't get those carts going more

TV shows should be true

2010-02-21T17:54:00.000-08:00

Over the last couple of months, a kid and I have watched all four seasons of Heroes. (I heart Netflix so much.) I can't decide which power I'd want to have. That whole healing thing would be sort of nice, because I'm on the klutzy side. Flying would probably be bad. I'm scared of heights, and flying would probably give me a heart attack.The other day in the grocery store a strange guy was looking

Old McDonald hates farms

2010-02-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

When I was a little kid, I desperately wanted a horse. Then I went to some church camp and I got to ride a horse. And I got kicked by the horse in front of my horse, because my horse tried to stick his nose up the other horse's butt. It hurts to get kicked by a horse. A few years later on a family vacation, I rode another horse on a group trail ride. It wanted to eat grass instead of keeping up

2010-02-17T17:59:00.000-08:00

Today was gorgeous. It was like Mother Nature decided that she'd had enough of this gloomy, doomy wintery stuff. The day couldn't have been prettier if the sky was spitting kittens at me. I love kittens more than I love practically every person in the world, so for it to be so nice that kitten rain couldn't improve it? Perfect.I decided that I had to sit out on the patio for awhile. Most of the

Celebrating martyred saints with candy

2010-02-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago I sat down with Jake to do the most horrible thing a 9 year old boy can imagine - fill out valentines. He was pretty excited at first, because I bought Nerds and Pixie Stix cards, and I promised him that he could have most of the leftovers.The excitement lasted a whole three seconds before we hit meltdown one. The Nerds cards were tearing instead of coming apart neatly at

2010-02-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling like a hermit lately. No, that's wrong. I'm trying to be a hermit, but some kid always needs a ride somewhere, or we run out of milk, or I have such an intense craving for gobstoppers that I'm willing to drive 15 minutes to the nearest store.There's a couple of things making me want to stay in the house all the time. The weather sucks. We're not getting any real snow, yet it's not

Yes, I scream like a girl

2010-01-18T11:00:00.001-08:00

My 17 year old has an appointment to take the test for his drivers license later this week, so we've been cramming. I'm really not good with this whole letting a teenager be in control of a metal monster thing. Kayle's had her license for almost 4 years, and I still don't feel overly comfortable being her passenger. I'm sure it has nothing to do with her being really short and driving a big truck

dirty little secret

2010-01-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

In order to drown out the sound of boys playing something noisy on PS3, I'm watching What Not To Wear. I hope I never see myself on their secret footage. Ever. That footage would reveal my dirty little secret.I wear sweats way too much, which is something I've only taken up in the last couple of years. I was never going to be that stay at home mom. You know the one...wearing ratty, unwashed

taking out the dust with a swiffer

2010-01-06T15:31:00.000-08:00

I've been telling myself that this is the year I start blogging again. I miss it.I turned 40 a few months ago. The number doesn’t bother me, because I think age is in the mind, and I will forever be 19 and awkward, except without the god awful big hair. I swear to never have big hair again or allow aquanet within 10 miles of me unless it’s Halloween.

2009-06-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

School's out, and I got conned into a trip to hell...I mean Disneyland. Two adults, three boys, 900 miles, and an oversized mouse. For years, I've sworn up and down that I wouldn't do Disney again with kids. I caved because I suck. 900 miles. In a car. Three boys. That mouse better be waiting with beer.

2009-05-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it's been at least a thousand years, but I share the computer with a giant family and as the mom, I take last place. I should sue.A couple of weeks ago it was really nice. I wore shorts. I got a bit of a sunburn. I hiked. I drank summer hot weather beer. I watched my dad maneuver a 50 foot RV around my driveway until he was parked between my dog kennel and a huge juniper. He's

cat help

2009-01-31T22:14:00.001-08:00

One of my cats (Sylvester) is all about his teeth and what kind of damage he can do with them. I want to submit this picture to icanhascheezburger and I need a good caption, preferably something from a vampire movie. All I can think of is "I vant to suck your blood."Someone out there has to have something better.

boredom

2009-01-31T18:38:00.000-08:00

It's been just over a month since I was laid off from work. At first I had Christmas, New Year's, and the kids home on break to keep me entertained. I also had my 19th wedding anniversary. That was the day my husband got laid off too. We spent our anniversary in front of the computer trying to navigate the unemployment website. For our 20th, we'll do something much funner, like stapling our

snow day

2008-12-15T16:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my SIL, Heather, came over and we spent hours and hours and hours making Christmas cookies. I swear my pantry is overflowing with cookies even though I've been eating them pretty much non-stop all day.They go so good with my morning coffee, my afternoon coffee, and maybe my evening coffee if all the caffeine doesn't start kicking in and waking me up. This morning at 6:45, I hauled

pictures

2008-12-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

It's the time of year when we have several deer come through the yard in the mornings and late afternoons. Some of them nibble the brush and some pull up chunks of the lawn. The quickest ones head straight for the bird feeder and suck out the seed, quickly snapping at any other deer that dare try to get some seed too. The young ones prefer the nice salad bar next to my front porch. The cats don't

my secret weapon

2008-12-03T18:14:00.000-08:00

I adore little old ladies. This isn't about the sweet ladies who have a smile on their face and are pleased with life.I detest crotchety old bats. This is about them."What the sale price on that? What's the sale price on that? What's the sale price on that? What's the sale price on that? What's the sale price on that?""Are you sure your register is right? Well, why isn't that marked down more?

What I Want

2008-12-01T18:07:00.001-08:00

Somebody needs to invent a way to yank the snotty attitude out of a 16 year old boy and leave nothing but sunshine and happiness. Turning him into a Stepford kid for the next couple of years would work too. Or maybe he should just get his period already and have the constant PMS go to a few days a month.The house is all decorated for Christmas minus one missing stocking, but it belongs to

shopping rules

2008-10-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

I work part time in retail. The majority of customers are polite. This is a list of rules for the ones that aren't, and if the rules are followed, I wouln't want to go home and drink heavily after every shift.1. Do you really thing being rude to me is going to make me want to help you? I'm far more likely to direct you to a product that's crap if you choose to be an asshole.2. I'm not a

messes

2008-09-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we opened up the indoor part of the kennel, so the dogs could hide out in bad weather. We moved the dogs houses inside and put two nice warm beds in there. Bad idea. They decided to play shred the bed and created a mountain of fluff and cedar chips. I sent a kid in to pick up the fluff, and he got a lot of it, but still left enough to fill 87 beds.Yesterday, I decided to pick the

pictures

2008-09-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

This is my new adorable kitten, Sylvester. He likes to dance for dangly toys.He also likes to levitate lime green mice with his gigantic paws. On the hottest day of the summer, this bird decided that the plain birdbath wasn't good enough for him, so he played in the fountain on the patio three feet away from where we were sitting. While the bird was playing, we exerised our right as parents to

2008-09-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

One day it was the beginning of summer vacation and all of a sudden we're in the third week of school, and I cannot figure out where summer went.I can't even remember what we did over the summer. I know I was constantly busy, but I don't think I actually did anything interesting at all, unless you count refereeing fights between the kids, working, and collapsing on the patio swing at the end of

I never get the ones from Nigeria

2008-06-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

I love email. I got this one today.Name: Daniel ColeEmail:co_dan.hsbc56@yahoo.frGood day,I am Daniel Cole, staff of International Private Banking at HSBC Bank. I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer and an investment he placed under our banks management three years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of

dog post part 2

2008-06-03T15:53:00.001-07:00

Max was bred to be a bird dog, but to his disappointment, we don't hunt, so his big excitement in life is making sure that birds do not dare sit in the bird bath, any trees, or within 50 miles of the bird feeder.He takes his job seriously.It involes a lot of running, ear-flopping, and tongue wagging. Last week his wildest dreams came true and a birdflew right out of the tree and into his mouth.

nearly impossible

2008-06-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

One of my dogs looked like a vicious face-eating demon when he sees people, but he really doesn't want to see if people meat is as tasty as it looks. He's smiling because he is so happy that someone might give him a belly rub. I've been trying to get a picture of him smiling, but he doesn't understand that the camera means stay still for the love of Pete.Attempt OneAttempt Two (does he even look

questions

2008-05-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

First, how is it possible that my baby will graduate from high school in six days? I mean I like the idea of knowing that I raised one all the way to adulthood without any form of dismemberment and all that, but time is not supposed to go this fast. (two minutes from now when the boys start fighting over something stupid, I'll wish they were graduating too)Second, why on earth do old people put

kid habits

2008-05-19T18:20:00.001-07:00

Everyone has annoying habits. I probably have a couple or a hundred of my own. I can admit it. E has one that is driving me nuts. When he walks into the bathroom, he opens the shower curtain. Sometimes it's just a little, but most of the time it's all the way. The shower curtain must always be closed. That's my rule, and it will always be my rule.When the shower curtain is open, people can see

2008-05-05T18:27:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already May. The annual Memorial Day Invasion of the Relatives is almost here. Last year, my mother-in-law stole a cat from one of my neighbors, so I can't wait to see what happens this year. We've threatened to plaster her picture all over the neighborhood with a warning to everyone to keep their cats safely locked away. Maybe we better add dogs and horses to that

fun and not fun

2008-04-30T18:24:00.001-07:00

What was fun was going to Shannon's baby shower last night. Thanks to Jen for letting us all invade your house.What was so not fun was discovering that one of the dogs must have gotten into something that didn't agree with him, so he had a pukefest all over the patio and garage. Not only did I get to stand outside where it was absolutely freezing to hose down the patio, but I was also lucky

new baby

2008-04-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

My nephew was born on Monday...all 9 pounds 8 ounces of him. They guessed that if they let my SIL go to her due date, he would have been around 11 pounds. I cannot even begin to imagine havnig a baby that big. Mom and baby had a rough week. SIL is having a difficult recovery, and they're worried that she may have ripped internal stitches, and the baby spent a day in NICU because he was having

2008-04-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Mother Nature,You're really pissing me off! I'd rather be wearing shorts and sandals instead of fuzzy boots and sweatshirts.**********I get a new baby nephew tomorrow morning, and I can't wait to snuggle a baby again and know that I'm not in charge of disgusting diapers, I won't have to spend the next year or two with a kid stuck to my boob, and I don't have to wake up a thousand times a

just in time for the next round of winter

2008-04-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

We totally took advantage of the few days of nice weather to work in the yard, because even though everything else looks dead, the weeds have flourished. We're having another sprinkler zone put in an area where we planted trees last fall, and we'll soon be looking for more trees so that eventually we'll have a natural privacy screen between us and our neighbors. Our tired old wheel barrow has

2008-04-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the 12th anniversary of my mom's death. I really can't believe it's been that long, because most of the time it seems so recent.I still think about you everyday, Mom, and I miss you like crazy. Everytime someone I know kicks cancer's ass, I know that you may have lost the battle, but hopefully someday cancer won't be allowed to take anyone else's mom away.

sweet sixteen

2008-03-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm completely disappointed that WSU lost against UNC today. Although since UNC scored over a hundred points in each of their last two games, I was proud of the Cougars for only letting them hit 68. There is a definite upside. It's time to replace all the kids WSU shirts, and I bet we can order Sweet Sixteen shirts cheap through the Bookie tomorrow. The two youngest both claim to be fans of only

2008-03-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

I has been over a month since I've had more than 2 minutes on the computer. How can it be that I feel like I've been really busy, yet also really lazy? In that month, I:1. Went to the Bend Bloggers meet up, and it was in the newspaper, but I'm way too lazy to go find the article right now.2. I've worked a ton of extra hours thanks to some horrific cold going around. I managed to get it myself,

civics

2008-02-21T07:04:00.001-08:00

In January, I received that dreaded thing in the mail otherwise known as a jury duty summons. I shouldn't have been surprised, since I was called in the summer, but I deferred. I swear it wasn't because it was summer and I wanted to be outside playing in the sun every second of everyday. Really. It was the kids. Four kids left alone for how many days would have made the world explode. Sure the

almost leg shaving season!

2008-02-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

I have such bad spring fever. Maybe it's because I can actually see almost all of my driveway, half my grass, and even half of the brush. Someday soon I might even be able to go a whole day without smothering myself in fleece!One of my dogs found the ultimate revenge for being forced to sleep in the garage (after a down comforter mutilation and 6 months of finding feathers, dogs don't sleep in

this & that

2008-02-04T15:44:00.000-08:00

I am so flipping tired of stupid people.When the road is covered in ice, don't pull out in front of me. Just because you are too stupid to realize that having four wheel drive does not mean a damn thing on ice, does not mean that I should have to die.Please park in an actual parking spot. I know that when there is fresh snow, the yellow lines might not be visible, but when the parking lot is

Who I hate today

2008-01-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

Lots of things are irritating the crap out of me today.Britney Spears. I am so tired of you being everywhere. When I turn on a news station, I want real news. Endless hours spent speculating whether or not you'll show up for some courtroom drama is not real news. If I desperately need to know if you're pregnant, I'll check a gossip site. Tom Cruise. I was forced to watch that secret Scientology

public service announcement

2008-01-14T14:43:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago I crawled into bed to watch tv, because sometimes I just need to lay around in a cocoon of flannel, down alternative, and wool on a cold winter's night. While I was learning things I never wanted to know about electric ejaculators for bulls on CSI, the show cut to commercials. I wasn't really paying to attention to what I was being tempted to wasted money on when a very Save the

no more christmas vacation!

2008-01-07T15:09:00.000-08:00

I am SO glad the kids went back to school today! They need to get back into their routine and I'm looking forward to no cleaning up trails of mess all day long.The big present that I couldn't name before Christmas in case little eyes were behind me reading every word was a Playstation 3. Never before have I seen all four kids so excited about something that didn't involve Disneyland. I have to

countdown

2007-12-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

Round one starts today which will bump the household population up to 4 adults, 7 kids, 3 dogs, and 3 cats.My poor dishwasher is napping, because it knows that it will run constantly for the next few days. I baked yesterday...soda cracker cookies, candy cane cookies, spritz cookies (I love cookie guns!). Russian teacakes are sitting in a bag awaiting their final coat of sugary goodness. The

my unhappy nose

2007-12-21T05:35:00.000-08:00

I just love waking up at 4:30 in the morning by snot. Such a lovely way to start the day. I could take benadryl, but I have to work today, and benadryl would leave me totally non-functional. I could take one of the cold pills in the medicine box, but they're a joke.What I really want is real sudafed, so that I won't have one nostril leaking gallons and the other one so clogged up that I'm

secrets

2007-12-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

I always feel like my kids are in two groups because of the ages (7, 10, 15, 18), and the only time we buy them joint gifts is if it's for the 2 youngest, or if we buy something for the whole family like a basketball hoop or badminton or something.For the first time ever, they all want the same thing and various accessories that go along with that particular thing, which I cannot name in case it

kitty

2007-12-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, we adopted a little black kitten, Jasper. He's from a feral litter, so he started out very skittish, and spent lots of time hiding under dressers. He still hides, but he is really coming out of his shell. Coming out of his shell involves waking me up at 2 in the morning by chewing my fingers, wrestling with Spot over and over all day long, attempting to climb the trunk of

2007-12-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

I really didn't fall off the planet.I think I will finally be working less, although I thought that last week and worked way more than I was originally scheduled to do. When I'm not working, I'm cleaning up the trails of slime and sludge left by the lazy little slobs who call me mom.Time is flying. Thanksgiving was good. I ate breakfast, and then ate breakfast again, and then dragged out all the

catch up

2007-11-06T06:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first weekday off since early October. My first day with no one home. My first day to get five billion things accomplished. I didn't manage to mop my floor, and I forgot to pick up another remote for the garage door opener, but all my clean underwear is in the drawer where it belongs.I picked up a new remote for the upstairs cable box to replace one that had several buttons die

2007-10-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

I'm up at the asscrack of dark to get ready to go to work and suddenly found myself with a spare 30 seconds.I'm enjoying my job, but I'm working a lot more hours than I thought I would be at part time. I worked retail once before in the early 90's, but I forgot how physical it was. I come home totally exhausted from being on my feet all day. It took me awhile to figure out why my thumb always

swamped

2007-10-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

So busy. So behind.I'm still missing most of my links and have no time to find them to bookmark.I have 3 different computers not being used, yet still scattered around my family room, because I haven't had a chance to put them away.I still haven't done the fall cleanup on the yard. Maybe I'll get to it next year.K turned 18 last week, and I simply cannot wrap my head around having a kid that old,

2007-09-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

We gave up on fixing the computer after I installed the new graphics card and all the diagnostics switched to signalling a missing hard drive. We bought a new computer yesterday, so now I get stuck with all the setup fun...user accounts, getting adaware and spybot, trying to get 4 kids to understand that we did not buy this so they can play Polar Bowling, painstakingly recreating my bookmarks,

people are weird

2007-09-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

I think this is officially the strangest search string to come up in my sitemeter."if a human has sex with a stuffed animal and hump it, will i become preganant"

?

2007-09-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

Quick question for anyone in the know.On my desktop, it looks like my graphics card is dead. I can get to the set up menu, but nothing beyond that. Can't even boot into safe mode.I have a new graphics card, but from everything I've read I need to uninstall the drivers from the old card before installing the new card...a big problem if I cannot see anything on my screen.Can I install the new card

I'm a dork

2007-09-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

Normally when I get gas, I sort of space out in the car while the tank is being filled. I must never do that again.I was sitting there thinking about the kids, and when the big, burly, cranky-looking attendant handed me my receipt, I said, "thanks, babe." I'm sure I turned all shades of magenta as I frantically tried to make my window go up faster and speed out of the parking lot.Then I got stuck

still sucking

2007-09-18T17:42:00.001-07:00

Apparently my do over weekend has not yet started.Last night the door from the laundry room from the garage up and died. The little thingy that slides back and forth when you turn the handle lost it's slide. Jumping up and down on the handle didn't work, and the door was stuck. Fortunately, laziness prevents from shutting the big garage door or the cars would have been trapped. There is a side

do over weekend

2007-09-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

I swear the weekend was cursed or something.Friday (before the ugly bug incident) the post for our mailbox rotted through and the mailbox ended up on the ground, so Saturday morning we didn't get the paper. How am I supposed to start my day if I don't have the paper with my coffee?Saturday morning I hit up Home Depot for a new post and concrete. Since I was getting a huge post I had to use one of

Oh my holy hell, I'm swooning!

2007-09-14T18:49:00.000-07:00

Someone tell me what the hell this thing is that crawled across my driveway!!! It is huge! This disgusting ugly bug is TWO inches long. I don't like it. I don't want it by my house. I don't want it to eat me while I'm sleeping.I keep telling myself that it did not come out of the brush, but instead fell from my brother's Jeep that was parked in the driveway. He and R went out to Millican on the

things that are icky

2007-09-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Bodily function commercials make me rather squeamish.I don't want to know if someone has gas. Fart, burp, eat your Beano, just don't make me know about it.Same goes for incontinence. Commercials for adult diapers are creepy. Thank goodness I have my diapers so I can drive along the coast in a convertible with my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Do they know I leak?No tampon commercials

arggggggghhhhhhhh

2007-09-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

I'm still stuck on the laptop with the space bar from hell.Everyday, the indicator lights on the desktop have a new surprise for me.GGGY, YGGG, GYYG, GYGY...I just can't wait to see what they say tomorrow. Maybe I'll be really lucky and they'll have a whole routine sort of like a Dance Dance Revolution thing.I can manage to keep the computer pretty spyware free and virus free. I can manage to

quiet

2007-09-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

All I hear is the computer fan and birds chirping outside the window. It's amazing how quiet things become with the kids back in school.J & E started Tuesday. I got them loaded on the school bus and then drove over to the school carrying the extra 500 pounds of supplies that would not fit into their backpacks. Then I stayed with J on the playground to make sure he could find his classroom. I

weather

2007-08-30T22:14:00.001-07:00

We are in the middle of a storm that is making the sky absolutely gorgeous.It started mid afternoon with lighting and thunder and then the rain started. On my way to take J & E to their school open house, it was raining so hard that my windshield wipers could barely keep up. Make that wiper, because the one on the passenger side of the window decided to warp and didn't work worth a damn. Plus my

young love

2007-08-30T17:10:00.001-07:00

We finally got the Disney Channel today. J and E were so excited, because they both have huge crushes on Hannah Montana. They fell in love with her when we were in New York, and until today they could only get their Hannah fix at my brother and sister-in-law's house.Next Friday, The Grateful Dead channel starts on Sirius. I just know that means that day will find me rigging the house system

trying to go pro

2007-08-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

I noticed my camera sitting somewhere that I didn't leave it and found this picture of J practicing one of his latest moves.Of course, now I need to take away his board for awhile as punishment for not wearing his helmet.

weekend

2007-08-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend doing glorious things like a much needed Costco trip before we had to start using newspaper in the bathrooms, cleaning the barn, and the dreaded car waxing. I am so not ambidextrous which means waxing with only my right arm. It hurts.Waxing the car guarantees a few things...bird poop suddeningly being aimed at the roof, bugs splattering everywhere, an evil cat using the hood

ick, ick, ick

2007-08-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

There are things you don't want to find in your house: spiders in the shower, mice in the pantry, little boys peeing on the bathroom wall instead of the toilet, projectile Oreo puke coating a bedroom, moldy old food or dishes under a bed.I've found them all, and I hate them all.Today I added something to my list. I've been trapped in laundry hell, a big part of which is gathering stray socks,

zzzzzz

2007-08-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

R had to be at a meeting this morning in Portland, so we had the alarm set for 4. I don't do 4. I tried to go back to bed, but the dog started flipping out, so I had to go out and put him away.Then I was just up.I made lots of coffee. It didn't help.I walked down to get the paper. It wasn't there.I was showered and dressed by 5:30. I don't like that.I was asleep on the patio swing by 1:00. It was

strange

2007-08-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

Someone got here by googling "tried planting puppies once." Really.So, to that person, I have never planted puppies, but I imagine it would be sort of like planting daffodils or tulips. Dig a hole around 6 inches deep (or deeper if you are planting something like a St. Bernard), place the puppy in the hole, and cover with dirt. Then move a few inches away and repeat the process. Water and

driving

2007-08-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

I've been trying really hard to learn to control my road rage, but the stupids are out in force lately!Dear Mr. 4Runner Driver last week,You pissed me off just by being so involved with your cell phone that you weren't paying attention to traffic. You're lucky I let you live after I discovered that you can't talk without your hands, which meant that your hands were nowhere near your steering

not so lazy days

2007-08-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

Every it year it seems like when August comes, we try to cram in as much summer as possible.We've had summer camp with grandma, kids camping with friends, another kid going to a musica festival for nearly week. We had my 16 year old nephew visit for a few days. My dad and stepmom were out. We've had dashing through sprinklers, rushing through the grass to hit the slip and slide, and lots of water

Fire

2007-08-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Long time, no post. Summer vacation is still kicking my ass, and I'm really looking forward to next week when R's mom takes J & E away for a week of brainwashing at church camp. She promised to pay for the deprogramming. A view of the Woodside Ranch Fire from my backyard. I first noticed it just before 4 o'clock when I was on my way into town. From where I was, it looked like it was near

I win

2007-07-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

When are my children going to learn that they cannot possibly outsmart me?D has to do chores to get to spend time with his friends. The big one right now is brush cutting to keep our fire perimeter. I would guess that if you take away the house, yard, barn, and driveway, there is still at least 2 acres of brush. He keeps trying to come up with excuses to get out of brush cutting.1. He'll say he's

summer vacation is kicking my ass

2007-07-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

Things I say 500 times a day:Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.I am not your maid.Stop fighting.Would you just be quiet for five minutes.Put the puppy out so he can pee.I said put your dishes in the dishwasher, and that means now.For the love of God, just stop fighting.Things that have happened that make me nuts:Someone put the ice cream cake on top of the garage fridge instead of the

the present

2007-06-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

J got his birthday present yesterday. Sage is a black lab/Australian cattle dog mix, and such a sweet little guy. Max seems to like him and seems happy to have a friend again. We let Jake choose the name and by the time we got to the shelter, he was down to three choices: Sage, Buster, and George Bush. We made sure to not let him choose the last one, because there is no way I want to be standing

seven

2007-06-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

J is 7 today, and he insists on announcing his age to anyone he sees. I took him to spend his birthday money on a nerf gun nearly as tall as he is, a couple of squirt guns, and some extra darts for the nerf gun. He told me that now that he's 7, he needs to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up. First he'll play in the NFL for 4 years. Then he'll be a scientist for a few years to save

the curse

2007-06-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

The pet curse struck again the other night.Spot considers it her job to keep the house bug free, so when she saw a fly on the kitchen window behind the sink, she leaped up onto the counter to protect us from the evil villain invading her space. Unfortunately we have two beta fish in bowls behind the sink. Spot's dramatic fly-killing leap led to a huge crash. One of the fish bowls fell into the

Home

2007-06-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm back from NY, and I have stories and pictures, but first I'm spending the day helping my brother and sister-in-law move into their new house. I hope I get muscles.

Gone

2007-06-14T12:33:00.000-07:00

God, that was hard.I think that now Cassidy is wherever dogs go when they die. And he has good hips, fur back on his face, and lots of steak, tomato juice, and beer.

2007-06-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

We've been trying to make Cassidy's last couple of days as nice for him as possible. Max stays in the kennel by the barn, while Cassidy lays on the patio in the sun without having to worry that Max will tackle him. He's been eating steak soaked in tomato juice, plus drinking tomato juice with some crushed advil to keep the pain under control. He's been washing it down with Coors Light, because

letting go

2007-06-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

In January, 1994, we picked up an 8 week old Golden Retriever - a little bundle of fur with endless energy.Cassidy quickly became a member of the family, albeit, the only one that ate shoe, chewed on table legs, ripped the head off many a stuff animal, and ate the face off a Cabage Patch kid. He peed on my bed too, but then again, so did all the kids, although none of them actually did it on my

It's that time again

2007-06-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm half dreading and half excited about going on vacation in a week to visit R's dad in New York.Cons:1. Flying across the country with four kids.2. Being trapped in an airplane with four kids.3. Stupid people in airports4. Again that whole thing about being trapped in a plane with four kids.5. All the aunts, uncles, and cousins who will be dropping by to stare at the people from 'Orygone.' It's

clay

2007-06-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

If someone gave me a blob of clay and told me to make something, I would make a blob of clay. When K is given a blob of clay and told to make something, she comes up with this.

lost again

2007-06-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

I seem to be missing another cat. Other houses in the neighborhood are also missing cats, and no, my MIL wasn't in town this weekend, so I don't think she took them and hid them in my house anywhere.So where are all the cats going? Are aliens scooping them up for strange probing experiments? Is there a cougar loose in the neighborhood going canibalistic? I have heard coyotes in a couple of months

heaven can wait

2007-06-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I particpated in the Heaven Can Wait run/walk. I walked, since I am so not a runner of any sort. During the speeches in the beginning, everyone was told to kneel with the survivors left standing. I ended up being all teary-eyed wishing that my mom could be one of the people standing. I was so glad to be wearing sunglasses, because I don't do teary in public. After the race, my

An open letter to...

2007-06-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Men,For the love of all things holy, please remember that while short shorts are appropriate for say running a marathon, they are not appropriate for putting down sod. Especially once you've reached at least your late 50's and you are standing in view of half the windows of my house. My eyeballs are delicate, and I would prefer to keep them that way. I have kids in the house and they don't

finally

2007-06-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

Found my cell phone (swiped by a kid who was out of minutes on her own phone and is now going to pay dearly by being the one to sit with little boys on our cross country flight in a couple of weeks while I sit far away), but still missing the cat.Now I'm entertaining myself by watching the really hot guy that is moving dirt in my neighbor's yard. I hope my neighbor hires him more often.

Why I shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen

2007-05-31T16:35:00.001-07:00

Take one cutting board, one huge watermelon, one very sharp knife, and me. Stick those all together, and you get a big chunk of watermelon leaping off the kitchen counter and landing with a giant splat on my foot. The very sharp knife landed on the rug next to the sink, although I'm quite surprised that it chose not to stick into my big toe to add gushing blood to the watermelon sludge now

the electronic abyss

2007-05-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, I walked into the house, set my cell phone on the kitchen desk, and that sucker vanished into thin air. Call it, you say? That would only help if I hadn't brought it in from the car because the low battery beeping was driving me insane and I couldn't reach the car charger.I have been tearing the house apart bit by bit trying to find the stupid phone. I've pulled up couch cushions,

Another holiday weekend done

2007-05-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

We still haven't found the cat, and on Saturday, R's mom insisted that she would find Sadie and bring her home. Off and on in the afternoon, she called for the cat and asked us over and over where we had checked. Later she decided to go for a walk and call the cat and hauled along a couple of the kids and her husband to help.Being a holiday weekend full of in-laws, we were doing what I think is a

tiny writings

2007-05-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

J decided to write a story that he refused to show me, but I found it in his room this morning. Six year old minds make me laugh."once upon a time there lived one puppy whu was named Max and on the other side of the rode there lived one Bear Buddy who never ment Each other befor and 15 minutes later they were friends ntell they were in high school"J asked me how to spell 'high school,' but he did

fire

2007-05-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

I drove up around the corner to take this picture of the controlled burn happening behind the neighborhood. Since there is a hill behind my house, all I could see from the backyard was billowing smoke shooting up in the sky that seemed closed enough to just jump over the hill and take away my house. I'm glad to see it's not as close at it looks.

not again!

2007-05-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

I'm really starting to be convinced that the animal world really hates me - even more than yesterday!There's a baby mouse in the boys room. I don't like mice, even if they are cute little babies. I have a couple of cats locked in there right now, although I know that with my luck lately, if the cats kill the baby mouse, I'm probably doomed.

bad bad juju

2007-05-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

My animal karma keeps getting suckier! First I lose the good cat. Then the stupid cat that won't get lost craps in the back of the car. Just a little while ago I walked out to the garbage can, heard a noise, looked up, and a quail that was sitting on the garage roof divebombed at my head. Not a little quail keeping track of his cute little baby quail, but a gigantic quail that takes too many

listing

2007-05-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

In preparation for the Invasion of the Relatives on Friday, I've been making a list of the 682 things I need to do because I'm a freak.47. Move five bazillion toys out of the boys closet to the storage room upstairs.173. (this should actually be before 47 to make room) I have to clean out the storage room, because over Thanksgiving, a guest had about 12 beers too many, staggered up the stairs,

I need a detail

2007-05-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to buy a new BBQ. We knew we couldn't handle another Memorial Day Invasion of the Relatives with just our tiny little kettle grill. Since the older kids weren't home, we had to take the 2 younger ones with us, meaning that we couldn't take the truck. We also weren't smart enough to take the third seat out of my car, so lots of manuevering was involved in getting a giant grill in

Sucktacular Tuesday

2007-05-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sadie is still missing. I really hope she didn't cross the street into the hundreds of thousands of acres of BLM land. I stopped by the shelter to fill out a lost cat report and R is printing up fliers (flyers? why can't I spell today?).To make the day even better, I got to spend some time at the dentist getting scraped with pokey things. I hate that, and I sit there imagining the pokey thing